Dear sisters in Christ,
I am writing to you today with a heavy heart and a burning desire to share some important truths about narcissists and their choice of intimate partners. As a 40-something-year-old Christian woman myself, I have seen and experienced firsthand the destruction that narcissists can bring into our lives. But through my own journey of healing and growth, I have also discovered the power of faith in overcoming these challenges.
So, let us dive into the topic at hand – how do narcissists choose their intimate partners? It is a common misconception that narcissists only go after weak or vulnerable individuals. This belief stems from the idea that strong and confident individuals would not tolerate or put up with a narcissist’s toxic behavior. However, the truth is that narcissists are very skilled at manipulating and charming their potential partners. They are masters at putting on a facade and portraying themselves as charming, charismatic, moral and desirable. And unfortunately, this often works like a charm on unsuspecting individuals.
Narcissists are not interested in dull or unremarkable individuals. They are drawn to those who stand out in some way, whether it be through their talent, accomplishments, or virtuous nature. In fact, it is worth noting that narcissists themselves suffer from low self-esteem and constantly seek validation and admiration from others. And what better way to feel validated and superior than by surrounding themselves with brilliant people?
This may leave you wondering, “But I am not talented or successful, why did a narcissist choose me?” Well my dear sister, it is not always about external achievements. Narcissists are also attracted to those who possess certain qualities that they lack themselves. For example, someone who is empathetic, caring, and understanding may seem like an ideal partner for a narcissist who struggles with empathy and genuine emotions. They also tend to target individuals who have a strong desire for love and acceptance, as they know how to exploit this need for their own benefit.
Furthermore, narcissists are experts at playing mind games and manipulating their partners’ emotions. They may use gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and other tactics to gain control and keep their partners in a state of confusion and insecurity. They thrive on the power dynamic in the relationship, where they are always in charge and their partner is constantly seeking their approval and trying to please them.
But perhaps the most shocking truth about narcissists is that they are often attracted to individuals who are virtuous and have strong moral values. This may seem contradictory as we often associate narcissism with selfishness and disregard for others. However, narcissists have a deep-seated insecurity and low self-esteem. By being with someone who is virtuous, they can feel like they are in the same league as this person and elevate their own self-image.
Now, you may be thinking, “How could someone who appears to be so perfect and successful have such low self-esteem?” The answer lies in their underlying insecurities and deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy. Narcissists have a fragile sense of self-worth, which they try to compensate for by putting others down and elevating themselves. They seek out partners who can boost their ego and make them feel superior. However, this is a never-ending game, as they can never truly be satisfied with any amount of validation or admiration. This constant need for external validation fuels their toxic behaviors, leading to a vicious cycle in their relationships.
Do not be deceived by their charming facade. It is important to remember that narcissists are not capable of genuine love and connection. They see others as objects to fulfill their own needs and desires. And no matter how much we try to please them or change ourselves, they will never truly love us the way God intended.
So why am I sharing all of this with you? Because I want you to know that it is not your fault. You are not weak or dull, as society may have led you to believe. You were chosen by a narcissist because of your strengths, not your weaknesses. And it is time for us to dispel the myth that only certain types of people fall victim to narcissistic abuse.
I also want to remind you that we serve a God who is bigger than any narcissist or toxic relationship. He sees our pain and heartache, and He wants us to know that we are not alone. In fact, He has already given us everything we need to overcome this challenge – His Word.
In Ephesians 6:11, we are told to put on the armor of God so that we can stand against the schemes of the devil. And let me tell you, dealing with a narcissist is definitely a battle against the enemy. But with our faith in God and His truth, we can protect ourselves from their manipulations and find strength in His love.
Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” My dear sisters, let us hold onto this promise and remember that our worth and strength come from God, not from the approval of a narcissist.
I pray that this blog post has shed some light on the truth about narcissists and their choice of intimate partners. I know it may be difficult to hear, but I believe that knowledge is power. And with the power of God’s Word and His love, we can break free from the chains of toxic relationships and find healing and wholeness in Him.
You are a treasure, my dear sisters, with unique gifts and qualities that make you shine. Do not let anyone dim your light or make you question your worth. Trust in God’s plan for your life, and know that you are loved and cherished by Him.
With love and sisterhood,
Gemma